Finders Keepers

FINDERS KEEPERS

VICKY, nervous, angry, worried paces before a bench, stage left. She looks for someone, checks her watch. Stage right, JONAS, nervous, angry hurries in, stops at stage right bench. Both take out cell phones, punch in. WE HEAR TWO BUSY SIGNALS. They hang up. ROSE enters right, with a small suitcase. She looks around, nothing. She sits at the other end of Jonas’ bench. Vicky and Jonas punch numbers on their phones again. TWO BUSY SIGNALS. They hang up.
ROSE
Excuse me.
JONAS
Yes?
ROSE
May I use your phone?
JONAS
Well, I’m waiting for - . . .sure.
(hands her the phone)
ROSE
Thank you. I won’t be long.
She punches in a number. Waits. Nothing. She punches out.
ROSE
(handing phone back to Jonas)
I guess he’s on his way here.
Vicky calls again. JONAS’ PHONE RINGS.

JONAS (TO PHONE)
Hello?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
Where are you?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
Where are you?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
You were supposed to meet me.
JONAS (TO PHONE)
So why aren’t you here?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
Why aren’t you?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
You want to do this or not?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
I do. Do you?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
Then get the hell over here.
(hangs up)
VICKY (TO PHONE)
I am here. Hello? Hello?
The bastard hung up on me!
JONAS (TO ROSE)
You can use the phone again.

ROSE
Thanks, I’ll just wait for him.
FRED jogs in – or tries to. He’s wheezing, barely makes it to the bench.

VICKY
Did you hear that?

Fred shakes his head ‘no’,
indicates that he can’t talk.

VICKY
He hung up on me!
JONAS (TO ROSE)
I never should have agreed to seeing a marriage counselor.
ROSE
He never agreed to moving to a senior home.
VICKY
Did you ever hear of such a thing?

Fred shakes his head ‘no’.

VICKY
He said I wasn’t here. And he was!
JONAS
I knew it wouldn’t work.

ROSE
He can’t live alone any more.
VICKY
And he said ‘hell’ He told me to. . .
What should I do?

FRED
Can’t. . . talk. . .

VICKY
He didn’t even say that. He just hung up.

ROSE
I don’t know what to do.
JONAS
I do. I’ll just leave.

ROSE
I wish I could.
VICKY
I wish I could just –

Fred starts to collapse.

VICKY
Are you all right?

FRED
I’m. . .fine. . .See?. . .Jogging.

He starts to jog again, but can’t.

VICKY
You’d better sit down.

FRED
No, if she sees me sitting. . .

But he lets Vicky help him to sit.
ROSE
I’d better try to find him.
VICKY
Should I call someone for you?

FRED
No! Don’t call! Yes! Call her.
And tell her to go to hell.

VICKY
I can’t tell a stranger to go to Hell.
But. . .but I can tell my husband to.
(punches numbers on phone)
JONAS’ PHONE RINGS. He answers
as Rose starts past him.
JONAS
Hello?
ROSE
(tripping over his feet)
Oh!
JONAS/ROSE
I’m sorry.
VICKY (TO PHONE)
Who was that?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
Nobody.
VICKY (TO PHONE)
That’s what you said the
last time.
JONAS (TO PHONE)
That was 9 years ago. How long are
you going to nag me about it?

ROSE (TO JONAS)
You want me to talk to her?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
There’s a woman there with you!
JONAS (TO PHONE)
No, she was just -
VICKY (TO PHONE)
You’re still home, aren’t you?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
No, I’m –
VICKY (TO PHONE)
With a woman!
JONAS (TO PHONE)
She’s just –
VICKY (TO PHONE)
Just what? Leaving? Coming in? Coming?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
Will you listen a minute?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
I’ve listened too long.

She hangs up, fuming. Jonas punches in.

HER PHONE RINGS. She ignores it. Jonas hangs up.

JONAS (TO ROSE)
Do you believe what she said?

ROSE
What did she say?

JONAS
I’ve listened too long.

ROSE
Oh, have you?

JONAS
I mean, that’s what she said.
Vicky punches in.
ROSE
Has she?

JONAS
Has she what?

ROSE
Listened too long?

Jonas’ phone rings.

JONAS (TO ROSE)
(as he picks up phone)
No.
VICKY
(hanging up)
How dare he! JONAS (TO ROSE)
No, I have.
(to phone)
What?
(no answer, hangs up)
FRED
What did he do?
JONAS (TO ROSE)
She hung up on me!

Rose starts to cry.

JONAS
I made you cry. I’m sorry.
VICKY
The bastard.
ROSE
It’s not your fault.

JONAS
Maybe it is. I don’t always listen.

ROSE
I guess I don’t either.

VICKY (TO FRED)
Did you hear what he said?

Fred shakes his head ‘no’.

VICKY
No.

FRED
Can’t. . .talk.

VICKY
He didn’t even say that. He said ‘no’ before I
could say a word. Did you ever hear of such a thing?

Fred shakes his head ‘no’.

VICKY
Son of a bitch.

FRED
Sorry.

VICKY
He didn’t even say that.
JONAS
There’s no way we’re going to save this marriage.
VICKY (TO FRED)
Here. Listen for yourself. And ask him
where he is.
(punches number, hands phone to Fred)
JONAS’ PHONE RINGS.

JONAS (TO ROSE)
There she goes again. I’m not answering.
VICKY (TO FRED)
See? Now he won’t even answer.
JONAS (TO ROSE)
(handing phone to Rose)
Here, you answer it. Ask her where she is.

ROSE
I can’t. . .Well. . .
(to phone)
Hello?
FRED (TO PHONE)
Rose?
ROSE (TO PHONE)
Fred?

FRED (TO PHONE) ROSE (TO PHONE)
Where are you? Where are you?

VICKY (TO FRED) JONAS (TO ROSE)
You know her? You know him?

FRED (TO VICKY) ROSE (TO JONAS)
She’s my daughter. He’s my father.
(to phone)
You’re wheezing.
VICKY (TO FRED)
You’re wheezing.

FRED (TO VICKY)
From practicing.
(to phone)
Because I was practicing.
ROSE (TO JONAS)
Did you hear that? He’s practicing.

VICKY (TO FRED) JONAS (TO ROSE)
For what? For what?

FRED (TO VICKY) ROSE (TO JONAS)
The marathon. He can’t run a marathon!

VICKY (TO FRED)
You’re in no condition to run
a marathon!
ROSE (TO JONAS)
(thrusts phone at Jonas)
Tell him!
VICKY (TO FRED)
(grabbing phone)
Give me that!
(into phone) JONAS (TO PHONE)
He’s not going to run a marathon You’re not going to run a marathon.

FRED (TO VICKY)
I have to.

VICKY (TO PHONE) JONAS (TO PHONE)
Jonas? Vicky?

FRED (TO VICKY)
Or she’ll make me move to that home.

VICKY (TO PHONE)
You are with another woman!
JONAS (TO PHONE)
I am not! I’m with –
(to Rose)
What’s your name?

ROSE (TO JONAS)
Rose.

JONAS (TO PHONE)
I’m with Rose.
VICKY (TO PHONE)
And just what are you doing with this Rose?

FRED (TO VICKY)
What are they doing?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
What are you doing with Rose’s father?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
I just let him use my phone.
JONAS (TO PHONE)
And what else?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
He’s an old man!
JONAS (TO PHONE)
And a good lover?
FRED (TO VICKY)
I’m not that old.
(grabs phone)
I’m not that old!
ROSE (TO PHONE)
(grabs phone)
Yes, you are!
(to Jonas)
She’s going to kill him!

FRED (TO VICKY)
(teetering off)
I’d die in that mausoleum.

VICKY (TO PHONE)
You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?
JONAS (TO PHONE)
Only if you kill me first.

ROSE (TO JONAS)
I have to save him.
(grabs phone)
Where are you?
VICKY (TO PHONE)
Where I said I’d be. At the Elm Street
gate.
ROSE (TO JONAS)
They’re at the Elm Street gate.
VICKY (TO PHONE)
But don’t bother coming here.
JONAS (TO ROSE)
She said to meet her at the Maple Street gate.
(grabbing phone)
You said Maple Street gate.

ROSE (GRABBING PHONE)
Let me talk to my father.
VICKY (TO FRED)
She wants to talk -
(realizes he’s gone, to phone)
He’s not here.
JONAS (TO ROSE)
He’s gone.

ROSE (TO JONAS)
He’ll kill himself!
VICKY (TO SELF)
Oh, no!

She drops the phone and ROSE (TO JONAS)
runs off right. I have to find him!

VICKY
Wait, Mr. - . . .Marathon runner. . .Wait.
Jonas and Rose exit left. O.S. Jonas and Rose call “Fred” - Vicky calls “Mr. Marathon”. Fred enters stage left, teeters to center stage, collapses to the ground. Vicky appears stage left. Jonas and Rose appear stage right. Fred is surrounded. Rose hugs Fred. Vicky and Jonas hug.
JONAS (TO VICKY)
I didn’t know what happened to you!
VICKY (TO JONAS)
If you left me, I’d die.
ROSE (TO FRED)
You would have died trying to run the marathon.
FRED (TO ROSE)
I’d die if you’d sent me to that old fogy place.
JONAS (TO VICKY)
I would have died if you’d left me.
VICKY (TO JONAS)
I couldn’t live without you.
ROSE (TO FRED)
I won’t send you there. Ever.
JONAS (TO VICKY)
I won’t leave you. Ever.
VICKY(TO JONAS)
Let’s forget the marriage counselor and go home.
ROSE (TO FRED)
Let’s go home.
JONAS (TO VICKY)
Let’s go home.
VICKY (TO JONAS)
Oh, yes, let’s go home.
ROSE (TO JONAS)
Can you help him?
FRED
I don’t need help.
He breaks away, unseen, crawls off. Rose follows. Vicky and Jonas, arms about each other, exit with:
ROSE
So where did you meet this. . .Rose?
THE END

FINDERS KEEPERS

A Ten-Minute Play

by
Hindi Brooks

FINDERS KEEPERS

TIME: a summer afternoon
PLACE: a public park in a large city

CHARACTERS:
VICKY, a young– distraught –woman
JONAS, a young– distraught –man
ROSE, a young – very distraught – woman
FRED, an older man in a newly bought jogging suit, with price tags still attached.

SET:
Two park benches on far right and far left. We’re to imagine that they are on opposite ends of the park. Optional: street signs indicating that the bench on the left is at Elm Street; the bench on the right is at Maple Street.